Minnow Bashing

No, not the Rugby World Cup. The so-called minnows there are doing rather well thank you with Romaina the latest to show they will not necessarily take the expected arse-rogering of John Holmes proportions lying down (although towards the end of pool play they may be buggered - yes, pun intended - by four games in three weeks).

I'm talking Hockey; specifically Papua New Guinean Hockey. Didn't know that Papua New Guinea play hockey? Well, judging by their efforts in the Oceania Qualifying Series, despite fielding a team it is stretching the truth to say they "play" hockey. They may have 11 people standing on a bit of artificial turf but playing hockey? Errr, no.

When it comes to the developmental aims of international elite sport I usually side with the Eddie the Eagles and Eric the Eels of this world - possibly because of first-hand experience as a wannabe international athlete who in reality was not even good enough to tie up the shoelaces of the top competitors I was up against. I made my mark in the bar afterwards, but I digress.

Seeing Papua New Guines thrashed 39-0 by New Zealand and 35-0 by Australia this week crosses the line into farce. Isn't Hockey only 70 mintues long? 4 goals every 7 minutes - did the poor bastards ever get the ball? Out of interest, I tried googling to see what the world record score in another sport that involves a 1-point goal scoring system was - soccer, sorry, football.

In the World Cup it's 31-0 - handed out by Australia to American Samoa in 2001. But remember soccer is 90 minutes, not 70, so you can almost accept that as a contest. I said almost. And then I came across this delightful piece where a club side in Madagascar scored own goals in protest and lost 149-0 - go and have a read, it's rather amusing.

But getting back to the hockey - developing global competition is IMO a noble aim for any sport but all sports should safeguard against farcical situations - and 39-zip in 70 min of hockey qualifies.

And a postscript to Stephen Fleming - yep, he's been sacked. Immediately retires from One Day cricket. Does not confirm availability past the two tests against South Africa in November. If we lose him prematurely, what a waste and a sad end to a distinguished career.