Newsflash
BRACEWELL BLASTS WORLD CUP PREPARATION
New Zealand cricket coach John Bracewell has been asked by the ICC to appear before their Disciplinary Committee after a heated post-match press conference following their one-wicket victory over Australia yesterday.
Bracewell has been charged with bringing the game into disrepute after calling the Australian team “a bunch of wankers” for sub-standard performances during the past week that he claims has thrown his team’s preparation for next month’s World Cup in serious disarray.
“Look, all we wanted was a bit of decent competition and test ourselves under pressure but the crap dished up by a bunch of wankers leaves us with a lot of unanswered questions”, he said. When questioned by the Herald’s Dick Cock that the last game could be construed as competitive, Bracewell completely lost the plot.
“Listen Cock, we didn’t play our best two bowlers, I tell our top order to chuck their wickets away and then when Macca and Brendan are whacking away I have to send out a message and tell them to slow down. Gillespie was meant to miss a straight one as I really wanted to see if Jeets (Jeetan Patel) can bat but he kept nicking the fucking thing and by the time he ran himself out it was too late. That wasn’t competitive you knob, we were trying to manufacture a situation and see how we would respond”.
Meanwhile, Australian captain Michael Hussey insists there is no need to panic for his side. “If you look at the series, we have steadily improved” he said. “We lost by 10 wickets, then 5, and the final game by only 1 so we are heading the right way”. He added if a game was played Thursday a logical mathematical progression would see them win by 2 wickets so he’s confident by the time the World Cup starts in three weeks his team will beat Scotland in their opening game by 29 wickets and whoever they meet in the final by 45 wickets.
“You can’t argue with logic, maaaaaaaaate” he grinned, before being interrupted by a cellphone ringing. Although talking in hushed tones, our record of the ensuing conversation went something like this: “Hey Punter, did you get that 100 bucks on the Kiwis at 50/1 during the run chase? You did? Chooooice! What about 3/1 on us winning the World Cup? Oh, you little fuckin’ beauty.”
And in late breaking news, fears that Matthew Hayden had suffered a major brain injury after being struck by a Gillespie yorker eased last night after a scan showed no apparent damage, although some doubt remained after an incident in the early hours of this morning where he produced two cockroaches, gave one to NZ captain Stephen Fleming and insisted they bet on them racing up the hotel wall.
New Zealand cricket coach John Bracewell has been asked by the ICC to appear before their Disciplinary Committee after a heated post-match press conference following their one-wicket victory over Australia yesterday.
Bracewell has been charged with bringing the game into disrepute after calling the Australian team “a bunch of wankers” for sub-standard performances during the past week that he claims has thrown his team’s preparation for next month’s World Cup in serious disarray.
“Look, all we wanted was a bit of decent competition and test ourselves under pressure but the crap dished up by a bunch of wankers leaves us with a lot of unanswered questions”, he said. When questioned by the Herald’s Dick Cock that the last game could be construed as competitive, Bracewell completely lost the plot.
“Listen Cock, we didn’t play our best two bowlers, I tell our top order to chuck their wickets away and then when Macca and Brendan are whacking away I have to send out a message and tell them to slow down. Gillespie was meant to miss a straight one as I really wanted to see if Jeets (Jeetan Patel) can bat but he kept nicking the fucking thing and by the time he ran himself out it was too late. That wasn’t competitive you knob, we were trying to manufacture a situation and see how we would respond”.
Meanwhile, Australian captain Michael Hussey insists there is no need to panic for his side. “If you look at the series, we have steadily improved” he said. “We lost by 10 wickets, then 5, and the final game by only 1 so we are heading the right way”. He added if a game was played Thursday a logical mathematical progression would see them win by 2 wickets so he’s confident by the time the World Cup starts in three weeks his team will beat Scotland in their opening game by 29 wickets and whoever they meet in the final by 45 wickets.
“You can’t argue with logic, maaaaaaaaate” he grinned, before being interrupted by a cellphone ringing. Although talking in hushed tones, our record of the ensuing conversation went something like this: “Hey Punter, did you get that 100 bucks on the Kiwis at 50/1 during the run chase? You did? Chooooice! What about 3/1 on us winning the World Cup? Oh, you little fuckin’ beauty.”
And in late breaking news, fears that Matthew Hayden had suffered a major brain injury after being struck by a Gillespie yorker eased last night after a scan showed no apparent damage, although some doubt remained after an incident in the early hours of this morning where he produced two cockroaches, gave one to NZ captain Stephen Fleming and insisted they bet on them racing up the hotel wall.
Labels: cricket
posted by Rob Crawford at 7:05 AM
2 Comments:
Brilliant! Go the Black Caps!
best game ever!
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