Retraction

A couple of days ago, I mused that I find it hard to believe Pakistani's doctor cricket pitches. Well fuck me, half an hour into the third test against the Windies there's a shot of the groundsman with smoke coming out of his ears and the commentator gladly telling us he's not a happy chappy because he was instructed by the Pakistani team management to take all the grass off the pitch.

So I apologise. I'm sorry. It is now clear that the Pakistani's doctor their pitches and when their captain says in the media "it's not true that I ask curators to make flat pitches" (Cricinfo Nov 26) we can call him a lying cheating scumbag. Or perhaps he has a better grasp of the English language than we give him credit for - to be fair, it's probably not him asking for flat pitches to protect a series lead, it's either the coach or manager.

The result is a test match being played on a pitch that wouldn't be fit for 13 year-old schoolboys. Chris Gayle describes it as "the worst test pitch I have ever seen". Not quite (there have been a couple in Hamilton over the years that out-strip this one), but it is a shocker.

Yes, I am bitter - principally because I feared this test could end in a draw and bet accordingly - ironically, the "preparation" to ensure the draw has made a result more likely. A Pakistan win is on the cards - any first-innings lead will be gold, but the draw is still a possibility with Pakistan batting next having no interest in forcing a result by it's end.