POLITICS: Good Luck Helen

An alcohol-fuelled rant is twitching through my fingertips. Rewind to 1999, a year when I spent 6 months living in Melbourne and came back to New Zealand shortly before an election. I was over in Oz looking for work, which gave me plenty of time to read the papers and get an understanding of Aus politics. Upon my return to Godzone and straight into an election campaign, I was struck by how immature, catty, unintelligent and basic our politicians were compared to our neighbours (and they weren't exactly top of the pops either). Sadly, nothing has changed.

I really am in a dilemma about who to vote for. Firstly, should I vote? Well, my blessed mum once said "if you don't have your say, you can't complain". She has a point. But come on mother, when the next New Zealand Prime Minister is a choice between Morticia from the Addams family and Mr Magoo, do you really expect me to exercise my democratic right?

The election campaign has both surprised and saddened me. Surprised at the naked, basic attempts by politicians to throw money around in the form of election bribes; saddened by the fact that a lot of New Zealanders continue to respond to such tactics. Such short memories we all have if we continue to believe promises made in the heat of a political campaign.

Advertising - I've had personalised letters and prerecorded phone calls that I object to. What's happened to the good old door-knocking? Granted, I'd probably tell them to piss off but at least it would give me an opportunity to engage in a two-way conversation if I was feeling in the mood. Political ads on TV - such negativity where the emphasis is on putting down the opposition, not promoting your own strengths. Message to Helen and Don: stop spending your day rubbishing each other's policies, rise above the pettiness and tell the nation of your vision for a better New Zealand. The media could help too; I'm not that interested in the left testicle of the National candidate for Tauranga but they keep shoving it down my throat (yuk, gross illusion) on the front page.

I'll be astounded if Labour lose the election. They've had such a sweet ride over the last 6 years with the economy that they should be romping home, despite the fact that governments generally lose favour with the electorate the longer they govern. And they would have got a third term, if our Minister of Finance had managed to give us something better than a packet of chewing gum in 2007 as a reward for a $6 billion surplus. Actually, in some respects I agree with what he was proposing; putting aside money for a rainy day is a refreshing signal that some of our politicians are prepared to think long-term, rather than in three-year cycles. But unfortunately there are many in society whose primary thought is "what's in it for me", and our politicians are populists who will respond accordingly.

In some respects I hope Labour win. I would love to see how they would manage an economy that's going downhill. As with most governments, I suspect badly. Then they would be stuck on the opposition benches for a reasonable length of time. If National win and the economy goes up shit creek, they'll be a one-term government.

So from one dictator to another, good luck Helen. That doesn't mean I'll vote for you (my father will never forgive me), and my dilemma is yet to be solved (pity the Legalise Cannabis party is not running this year), but I guess I'm prepared to put up with your grandmothering and social engineering for another 3 years.